The Dunbar number keeps coming up in conversations about networking. 150 relationships—that's supposedly the limit of what our brains can handle. I used to think about it differently than I do now.
My philosophy is simple: connections are for life. When I meet someone, I'm not calculating whether they fit into some system. I'm not thinking about the immediate transaction or what I can get from it. I'm thinking about whether this is someone I want to know years from now.
It's All a People Business
I've worked across different industries, different companies, different roles. The one constant I've noticed is this: there isn't a single business that isn't fundamentally a people business. You can have the best product, the smartest strategy, but if people don't trust you and the relationships aren't solid, it doesn't matter much.
When I talk about connections and networking, I'm not talking about the back-and-forth of favors and who owes who. That's not what I mean at all. To me, it's about an exchange of thoughts. Real conversations where both people walk away having learned something or thought about something differently. That's what makes a connection worth keeping.
You Don't Need to Talk Every Month
Here's what I've figured out: great connections don't require constant checking in. You might not talk to someone for two or three years, and then suddenly the stars align and you reconnect. And it's like no time has passed at all. That's the real thing.
I met Suresh from Qburst over two decades ago. We stayed connected through different jobs I had, different companies. Every time I worked with Qburst, there was this consistent trust in what they could deliver. Last month I was in India and we managed to spend time together at Ernakulum Junction in Kochi. Just a few moments, but it was the kind of memory that sticks with you. That's what I'm talking about when I say lifelong connections.
Same with Raj Malik. When he was in town recently, we just picked up where we left off. No awkwardness, no catching up required. Just continuity.
Connections Happen Across Everything
I have connections scattered all over the place. Deviah—she was a reporter when I first knew her, now a friend from many careers ago. A BDR who created a memorable moment at a company I worked at. A Salesforce connection that just never ended because there was something real there.
And then there's Ramon Ray. This is going back decades. His website registration form wasn't working, and I helped him fix it. Simple thing, right? But that moment opened doors. It led to more connections, more people in my life. It's a reminder that you never know where a genuine moment of helping someone will lead.
I don't have a system for maintaining these connections. No spreadsheet, no quarterly check-in plan, nothing like that. It happens because of coincidence, because of the randomness of life. Social media helps—you see what people are doing, you stay loosely aware of their lives. Sometimes you reach out. Sometimes they reach out. It's organic.
The Work I'm Doing Now
I'm working as an analyst now and I'm genuinely excited about the conversations I'm having. What's different is that many of these don't have any commercial angle attached to them. Not yet anyway. The relationship comes first. Trust comes first. Then maybe business happens, or maybe it doesn't. And that's actually fine.
What I've noticed is that people do business with people they like and trust. They invest in relationships, not transactions. When someone ends a call by asking if they can help me with anything, that tells me everything I need to know about how they see connection.
I'm on a panel tomorrow with Garima and Sneha. Garima was a client at a previous company and we just kept the connection going because it meant something. That's how these things work.
About That Dunbar Number
Is it a myth? Is it just for a different world? I think there's truth to it, but it's incomplete. Yes, there are limits to how many active relationships you can maintain. That's real. But the theory assumes all relationships need constant maintenance. It assumes frequency equals depth. I don't think that's how it works anymore, if it ever did.
A real connection doesn't fade because three years passed without a phone call. It's still there. It strengthens because when you do reconnect, there's something solid underneath it.
Why It Matters
Connections do more than advance your career. They're the moments that stick with you—like that time at the train station with Suresh. They're knowing that somewhere, there are people who believe in you. They're the reassurance that you're not just moving through the world alone.
I don't have a perfect system. I'm not optimizing anything. I'm just choosing to see people as worth knowing beyond what they can do for me. And I'm finding that approach keeps opening doors I didn't know existed.
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